WHAT IS GRIEF & LOSS?

Grief may occur when an individual experiences the loss of someone or something that is very important to them. Coping with the death of a close friend or family member may be one of the toughest challenges that we may experience.

The pain and the sense of loss may be especially intense if we lose a spouse, sibling, parent, or a child.  This includes those who have lost a baby due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, neonatal death, and termination, including those terminations due to poor prenatal diagnosis.  The loss of a child at any age or gestation is a devastating and a life-changing experience.

Grief may occur when facing one’s own death, perhaps as a consequence of a terminal illness, or as a consequence of a natural disaster, such as the fires which devastated Fort McMurray.

A person may also experience grief in situations that involve the loss of a relationship such as a separation from a loved one, when a relationship ends, or following a divorce.  It may be felt as a consequence of job loss, a career ending, or retirement.  Others may experience heartbreak when a child leaves home or in the death of a beloved pet.

There is no “normal” timeline for someone to grieve, and people may act differently in the face of a loss.  Counselling can help to guide an individual through the variety of emotions experienced.  It can assist the individual to build their resilience and develop positive and adaptive strategies to express and cope with their loss.  Ultimately supporting the individual towards recovery.

Grief and loss experiences can cause a spectrum of emotions and symptoms, which can sometimes include post-traumatic stress symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts and memories about the experience.  Sometimes it may cause the person to feel numb, unable to mourn the loss.

How EMDR can help grief and loss

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is very effective in easing the trauma of grief and loss.  Especially when the loss is very sudden or unexpected, or the circumstances surrounding the loss are traumatic.  When the circumstances surrounding the loss are preventable, it may be especially difficult for a person to accept or come to terms with their loss.

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation in order to decrease the disturbance associated with the specific traumatic events in the person’s life.  It works under a similar process as REM or rapid eye movement sleep.  Just as sleep allows the brain to sort, order, and consolidate our experiences and memories, EMDR helps the brain to process memories that are overwhelming or traumatic.

In normal circumstances, the brain does not need help with such a task.  However, when a person experiences a traumatic experience, the information (what we see, hear, think, feel) is passed straight to our “smoke alarm” in the brain (the amygdala).  This initiates a fight, flight, freeze response and causes the brain to react in the same way that it would if we were under an actual physical threat.  For example, a traumatic event, painful experience or bereavement can cause the same stress response as a person being threatened by a tiger.  Rather than the brain processing this traumatic event, the memory, along with the images, emotions, body sensations, negative beliefs associated with the memory, are not processed like a regular memory.  They are encapsulated along with the memory, and can replay in the present.  A current trigger that reminds the person of the past can replay in the present, and can activate these past memories causing the person to relive the original trauma in the present.

EMDR allows those painful and unprocessed memories to be reprocessed so that they are no longer replaying in the present.  The person no longer experiences a heightened emotional response or have fight, fright, freeze symptoms associated with this past experience.  The traumatic experience now feels as if it is in the past, and their memories surrounding the event are less emotionally charged.

EMDR does not take away the memory of what has happened.  But sometimes in situations of grief and loss, the grieving person can now remember and appreciate positive memories from the past following EMDR treatment.  The negative memories are not so overwhelming.

Rebecca and her team are trained in EMDR and other trauma processing therapies that help to heal the effects of trauma.  Contact the team today to start your recovery.

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